Monday, February 7, 2011

Dear Zach Shpizner,

It turns out that Yakult (that yogurt stuff you like) is actually named after Capt. Robert Yakult, a sailor who worked briefly for the Dutch East Indian Trading Company before discovering the fountain of youth (which turns out is kind of milky) and then bottling the youth water and selling it to the unwashed masses of the world. However, he later recounted on his death bed that he never really gave away the real water of the fountain of youth, but just a cheap imitation. With his last words he whispered that he buried the real water, along with an entire grocery store of food, somewhere near the South China Sea. He then proceed to die a horrible (and painfully longwinded) death of scurvy. I think this will all be covered in the next Pirates of the Carribean movie...

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